being criticized & blamed is all part of living with an addict. it is part of my story.
i have stood by anthony for almost 8 years of marriage, 5 of them have been spent dealing with the addiction. i have had fingers pointed at me & at times i have thought that it is my fault. if only i had been kinder, prettier, more spiritual, more understanding, more tolerant, less demanding...the list goes on forever. but through YEARS of this i have realized that it is
not my fault.
it is a trial, it is a test, it is an illness, it is horrible.
2 days ago one of my dearest friends lost his best friends to a drug overdose.
it is rampant.
my heart goes out to him & anyone who has to deal with addiction. it truly is a family disease, but hiding from it & throwing daggers at each-other does not fix things.
so i guess what i really want people to understand is that softening the blows for an addict (also called enabling) does NOT HELP THEM. they need to feel sorrow, pain & loss in order to heal & recover....they need accountability. it is a basic & essential aspect of recovery.
so no, i did not bail anthony out of jail. not because i am cold-hearted emotionally abusive person, but, because i thought, maybe this will be his rock-bottom. maybe, he will finally have a fighting chance.
my marriage might be over, but anthony is still a dad, & i hope he can beat this illness so our children can have a relationship with him & so that he can live...
that is all i want.
7 comments:
I miss you so much. I am constantly amazed and impressed with you. You have expressed yourself so well and have been seeing things so clearly- you truly are an inspiration for us all. Maybe you could just "moderate" the comments? Just a thought. XOXO
Yay good for you Amanda! You need to do what's best for your family and that's all that matters.
If you go private, I want an invite!
Hey I know allison your sis and think you are amazing and can't imagine what you are going through. Just wanted to let you know that lots of us are reading and rooting for you.
I think you should just get rid of anonymous comments too.
Mo Mo.. how can you be so logical and express yourself so beautifully when at times you can't be feeling this way. You inspire me and obviously so many people that don't even know you, except through your words. Right now your children see you as their mommy, but someday they are going to look this over and realize truly how incredible you are. If you keep your blog open, just get rid of people being able to post anonymously.
muah! (a big fat one)
Mo, thanks for all that you do. This post means more to me than you think. My friend is in a better place, the Lord loves him and as much as I am mad, I am even more grateful for the time I spent with my friend. I hope you continue to be courageous and rely on the Lord to help you with all of your many decisions; both great and small. You are in my prayers.
Hi Amanda,
I'm in your sister Allison's ward. And crazy, I grew up with the Rothey's; Jake was my family's home teacher when he was a priest or something like that!
Anyway, I think that you are such a strong, admirable, capable woman! You have really risen above what other spouses would continue to berate themselves for (their partners addiction & thinking it was their own fault). That is such a milestone, and I think of you and your little family often. I hope that won't weird you out! :)
Know that when you have hard days there are so many people who are there to hold you up. My family will be praying for yours!
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